Friday, October 28, 2005

A House is not a Home

On any given night in America, anywhere from 700,000 to 2 million people are homeless., according to the National Law Center on Homelessness and Poverty. Living on Skid Row has opened my eyes to this unfortunate blight. Given this is technically my last night in Bum Village, I thought it only apropos the 50 be about my neighbors.
PS-the UN has now decided they don't recognize the term "homelessness", and is urging all countries to adopt "houselessness" instead....hmmm.

If you were homeless,
1. In what city would you choose to live?
2. Where in the city would you beg?
3. Crack or smack?
4. Would you choose to stay in a Mission, or live on the street?
5. Would you push a cart? If not a cart, then what?
6. What would you say you would do for food?
7. Do you give change to the homeless?
8. Ever given anything besides change?
9. Hve you ever volunteered at a soup kitchen/mission?
10. Where?
11. True or false: homeless people could be terrorists?
12. Would you use a porta potty used by hundreds of other homeless (think the loo in Trainspotting) or just cop a squat in public?
13. How would you protect yourself on the street?
14. What's your street name?
15. How are you going to help end homelessness?
16. Who wrote the song that's the title of today's 50 (A House is not a Home)?
17. Which country has the most homeless?
18. What onetime Brat Pack era star was homeless?
19. What video has vagrants fighting each other for a $5 prize?
20. What movie starred Nick Nolte as a homeless guy?
21. Eddie Murphy came driving by in his Escalade looking for a little action. Would you get in his car?
22. Would you ever date someone who is homeless?
23. What if they were really hot?
24. True or false: Homeless people are mostly men?
25. What's the homeless section of Los Angeles called?
26. What's the homeless section of New York called?
27. True or False: Homeless people are dangerous and break the law.
28. Hobo, bum or tramp?
29. What city is credited with having the original Skid Row?
30. Name the movie about homelessness starring Jeff Bridges and Robin Williams.
31. Pretend you are the Julia Child of Skid Row. Please describe the meal you would prepare solely from the contents of a dumpster.
32. What movie stars Samuel L. Jackson as a schizo homeless man?
33. True or False: The homeless are usually homeless for long periods of time.
34. What's a Dharma Bum?
35. What about a Brooklyn Bum?
36. You are at a pitch meeting with Mark Burnett and you are trying to sell him on a reality game show starring homeless people. The title, and a brief synopsis...and go.
37. Whre do you think you would shower, or would you?
38. Chuck, Fuck or Marry: Robin Williams in 'The Fisher King', Nick Nolte in 'DNOut in BH', or Joe Pesci in 'With Honors'?
C:
F:
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39. Box or Tent?
40. True or False: There is a country song about the homeless called "The Voices in My Head Tell Me You Been Cheatin".
41. Under the stars or under a bridge?
42. In hobo slang, a "bale of straw" is a place to get a good night's rest, or a blond woman?
43. What celebrity most deserves to be homeless?
44. Where is the National Hobo Convention held every year? (I'm not shitting you-there is such a thing).
45. True or False: The homeless like living on the street.
46. You are driving down the street and see a homeless grab their heart and then tumble to the ground. Would you give him mouth to mouth?
47. Even if you knew the paramedic would never reach him in time to save him?
48. Who is your fave tramp?
49. What is the classic accessory for a hobo?
50. Why did God make the homeless?

BONUS: Play Homeless Or Jesus?

Friday, October 21, 2005

OOPS! Number 2 should read CONDEMNS, not CONDONE...

CreepyScary50

1. What was your fave Halloween costume?
2. What religion condones Halloween?
3. Candy Corn: Yum or nasty fake crap?
4. Who starred as the original WORST WITCH?
5. Who played a pair of twins in the same movie?
6. How would you be killed by Mike Myers?
7. Who starred in WATCHER IN THE WOODS?
8. Who waited all night for the Great Pumpkin?
9. Fave Halloween Treat?
10. Chuck, fuck or Marry: Jason, Mike Myers, Freddy Kruger

C:

F:

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11. Ever been to a haunted house? Where and were you a scared little pussy?

12. Goody Proctor was accused of being a witch. What the hell does 'Goody' mean?

13. What was the actual name of Frankenstein's Monster?

14. What country did he live in?

15. True or False: The Thriller video totally freaked my shit out.

16. Did you ever partake in Mischief Night?

17. If so, what did you do?

18. Did you ever win a prize for best costume?

19. What was the costume?

20. What is your costume going to be this year?

21. Did you ever find razor blades in a piece of candy?

22. Stupidest Halloween costume you ever had...

23. Fave scary movie franchise/series?

24. In what town did they burn all the witches?

25. Would you rather be buried alive in a coffin, or slowly eaten alive by a werewolf?

26. What will you be doing this Halloween?
27. At what age did you stop trick or treating?
28. Name the actor that played Frankenstein in "Young Frankenstein".
29. Do you believe in ghosts?
30. How much will you spend on your costume this year?
31. Will you go to a Halloween parade? Where?
32. Least liked Halloween candy?
33. Do you know anyone claiming to be a witch?
34. Would you rather burn at the stake or die by drowning?
35. Will you be cremated or buried?
36. What has been the worst prank someone has done to you?
37. Have you ever felt sad 'cause you didn't get enough candy?
38. Did someone ever not open the door to you cause you were to old?
39. Are you one of those lame, boring people that doesn't had out candy?
40. You've been given an apple by the old woman down the block: do you chuck it at her window or eat it 'cause you need your ruffage?
41. Silver bullet or stak through the heart?
42. Name the first big-time vampire flick (hint...it was silent)
43. What accoutrement would come off the Looney Tunes witch wherever she ran?
44. What's the full name of Halloween?
45. What Catholic holiday takes place the day AFTER Halloween?
46. Did you ever do the Mash?
47. Micheal Myer's mask is actually whose face?
48. Name one other movie starring Robert "Freddy Kruger" Englund.
49. WICKED: Fabu B'way musical or hack piece of shit?
50. Who haunts your dreams at night?

Friday, October 07, 2005

Earth, Wind and Firewater

1. Do you hike?
2. Have you ever gone surfing? Where?
3. Fave National Park?
4. Your designing the Forest Ranger uniforms...what do they look like?
5. Fave beach?
6. How do you scare off a grizzly bear?
7. Most beautiful spot in the world?
8. Name the drill you're supposed to do when you're on fire.
9. Where is Yellowstone?
10. Where are the White Mountains?
11. What tree has white bark?
12. Have you ever had sex in the woods?
13. Ever been mountain climbing?
14. If so, where?
15. Name the highest point you've been.
16. What's the big national park in Maine?
17. What would you cook on a campfire for dinner?
18. Ever get stung by a jellyfish?
19. Have you ever had a near death experience while in nature?
20. Do you fly fish?
21. Do you recycle?
22. Do you mountain bike?
23. How much money would it take for you to eat wild mushrooms that grow on cow shit?
24. You've been lost in the forest for 5 days...what are you eating?
25. Ever been to the rainforest?
26. Have you ever been snorkling?
27. Do you scuba?
28. What is coasteering?
29. What's your fave bathing suit look like?
30. What's the remedy for a jelly fish sting?
31. What is kudzu?
32. Ever gone horse back riding?
33. What beach(es) did you go to on family vacations?
34. Chuck, Fuck or Marry: Jaques Cousteau, Steve Irwin, Jane Goodall
C:
F:
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35. Do you have a compost pile?
36. What kind of plant has 5 pointy leaves?
37. Ever been in a hurricane?
38. Fave forest animal?
39. Do you reuse plastic bags, or toss them?
40. Do you eat organic?
41. Are you a vegetarian?
42. Name your state's official tree.
43. Freshwater or saltwater?
44. If you had to pick lifeguard, ranger, or logger as a profession, which would you pick and why?
45. Do you think you could be a contestant on Survivor?
46. What about The Eco Challenge?
47. What are MRE's?
48. Did you ever go on a trip in a motorhome? where?
49. If a tree falls in the woods, is there a sound?
50. Does a bear shit in the woods?