A House is not a Home
On any given night in America, anywhere from 700,000 to 2 million people are homeless., according to the National Law Center on Homelessness and Poverty. Living on Skid Row has opened my eyes to this unfortunate blight. Given this is technically my last night in Bum Village, I thought it only apropos the 50 be about my neighbors.
PS-the UN has now decided they don't recognize the term "homelessness", and is urging all countries to adopt "houselessness" instead....hmmm.
If you were homeless,
1. In what city would you choose to live?
2. Where in the city would you beg?
3. Crack or smack?
4. Would you choose to stay in a Mission, or live on the street?
5. Would you push a cart? If not a cart, then what?
6. What would you say you would do for food?
7. Do you give change to the homeless?
8. Ever given anything besides change?
9. Hve you ever volunteered at a soup kitchen/mission?
10. Where?
11. True or false: homeless people could be terrorists?
12. Would you use a porta potty used by hundreds of other homeless (think the loo in Trainspotting) or just cop a squat in public?
13. How would you protect yourself on the street?
14. What's your street name?
15. How are you going to help end homelessness?
16. Who wrote the song that's the title of today's 50 (A House is not a Home)?
17. Which country has the most homeless?
18. What onetime Brat Pack era star was homeless?
19. What video has vagrants fighting each other for a $5 prize?
20. What movie starred Nick Nolte as a homeless guy?
21. Eddie Murphy came driving by in his Escalade looking for a little action. Would you get in his car?
22. Would you ever date someone who is homeless?
23. What if they were really hot?
24. True or false: Homeless people are mostly men?
25. What's the homeless section of Los Angeles called?
26. What's the homeless section of New York called?
27. True or False: Homeless people are dangerous and break the law.
28. Hobo, bum or tramp?
29. What city is credited with having the original Skid Row?
30. Name the movie about homelessness starring Jeff Bridges and Robin Williams.
31. Pretend you are the Julia Child of Skid Row. Please describe the meal you would prepare solely from the contents of a dumpster.
32. What movie stars Samuel L. Jackson as a schizo homeless man?
33. True or False: The homeless are usually homeless for long periods of time.
34. What's a Dharma Bum?
35. What about a Brooklyn Bum?
36. You are at a pitch meeting with Mark Burnett and you are trying to sell him on a reality game show starring homeless people. The title, and a brief synopsis...and go.
37. Whre do you think you would shower, or would you?
38. Chuck, Fuck or Marry: Robin Williams in 'The Fisher King', Nick Nolte in 'DNOut in BH', or Joe Pesci in 'With Honors'?
C:
F:
M:
39. Box or Tent?
40. True or False: There is a country song about the homeless called "The Voices in My Head Tell Me You Been Cheatin".
41. Under the stars or under a bridge?
42. In hobo slang, a "bale of straw" is a place to get a good night's rest, or a blond woman?
43. What celebrity most deserves to be homeless?
44. Where is the National Hobo Convention held every year? (I'm not shitting you-there is such a thing).
45. True or False: The homeless like living on the street.
46. You are driving down the street and see a homeless grab their heart and then tumble to the ground. Would you give him mouth to mouth?
47. Even if you knew the paramedic would never reach him in time to save him?
48. Who is your fave tramp?
49. What is the classic accessory for a hobo?
50. Why did God make the homeless?
BONUS: Play Homeless Or Jesus?
posted by Miss Lizard @ 10:42 AM
4 Comments:
you were homeless,
1. In what city would you choose to live? San Diego, Best weather
2. Where in the city would you beg?Near the beach
3. Crack or smack?Ok I'm sorry I don't know the diff
4. Would you choose to stay in a Mission, or live on the street? It depends where the cutest other bums were
5. Would you push a cart? If not a cart, then what?I'd get Robnbie to push me in the cart, Like he was my mommy and we were shopping
6. What would you say you would do for food?Tap Dance and eat watermelon
7. Do you give change to the homeless?Sometimes
8. Ever given anything besides change? Once I offered a sandwhich, but the guy said he had no teeth
9. Hve you ever volunteered at a soup kitchen/mission?No
10. Where?
11. True or false: homeless people could be terrorists?
12. Would you use a porta potty used by hundreds of other homeless (think the loo in Trainspotting) or just cop a squat in public?Cop A squat ( hello Rob)
13. How would you protect yourself on the street? Be very Gassy all the time
14. What's your street name?Vanessa Williams
15. How are you going to help end homelessness? Overthrow the current Government
16. Who wrote the song that's the title of today's 50 (A House is not a Home)?But Bacharach
17. Which country has the most homeless?I think we do
18. What onetime Brat Pack era star was homeless? I dunno? Angie Dickinson?
19. What video has vagrants fighting each other for a $5 prize?Isn't a Michael Jackson Video?
20. What movie starred Nick Nolte as a homeless guy?Down and Out in Beverly Hills
21. Eddie Murphy came driving by in his Escalade looking for a little action. Would you get in his car?I'm not one for chocolate
22. Would you ever date someone who is homeless? Brian Farley did..why not?
23. What if they were really hot?Absolutely
24. True or false: Homeless people are mostly men? True
25. What's the homeless section of Los Angeles called? Compton?
26. What's the homeless section of New York called?The South Bronx?
27. True or False: Homeless people are dangerous and break the law.
28. Hobo, bum or tramp?
29. What city is credited with having the original Skid Row?Detroit?
30. Name the movie about homelessness starring Jeff Bridges and Robin Williams.The Fisher King
31. Pretend you are the Julia Child of Skid Row. Please describe the meal you would prepare solely from the contents of a dumpster.I'd make a nice stew, using Chicken and steak bones for flavoring..There's also always greens in the dumpster..and I'm sure I could find a potato somewhere
32. What movie stars Samuel L. Jackson as a schizo homeless man?not a fan I don't know..he looked homeless in Star wars though
33. True or False: The homeless are usually homeless for long periods of time. True
34. What's a Dharma Bum?one who looks like Jenna Elfman
35. What about a Brooklyn Bum?I think that's like a brooklyn Dodgers fan
36. You are at a pitch meeting with Mark Burnett and you are trying to sell him on a reality game show starring homeless people. The title, and a brief synopsis...and go.American Idiot- tkae a really wealthy well known person..strip them of everything, and put them in the Homeless world, think Dan Ackroyd in trading Places
37. Whre do you think you would shower, or would you?I'm a gay man..I'd find a shower preferably with Strangers
38. Chuck, Fuck or Marry: Robin Williams in 'The Fisher King', Nick Nolte in 'DNOut in BH', or Joe Pesci in 'With Honors'?
C:Joe Pesci
F:Nick Nolte
M:Robin Williams
39. Box or Tent? Tent
40. True or False: There is a country song about the homeless called "The Voices in My Head Tell Me You Been Cheatin".True
41. Under the stars or under a bridge?A bridge, at least you won't get wet wjhen it rains
42. In hobo slang, a "bale of straw" is a place to get a good night's rest, or a blond woman?good nights rest
43. What celebrity most deserves to be homeless? Star Jones
44. Where is the National Hobo Convention held every year? (I'm not shitting you-there is such a thing).Somehwere in the south
45. True or False: The homeless like living on the street.Hell no
46. You are driving down the street and see a homeless grab their heart and then tumble to the ground. Would you give him mouth to mouth?NO, I'm to germaphobic
47. Even if you knew the paramedic would never reach him in time to save him?Whoi knows these things?
48. Who is your fave tramp? Define tramp
49. What is the classic accessory for a hobo? A cardboard sign
50. Why did God make the homeless?God doesn't make people homeless..we do
you were homeless,
1. In what city would you choose to live? San Diego, Best weather
2. Where in the city would you beg?Near the beach
3. Crack or smack?Ok I'm sorry I don't know the diff
4. Would you choose to stay in a Mission, or live on the street? It depends where the cutest other bums were
5. Would you push a cart? If not a cart, then what?I'd get Robnbie to push me in the cart, Like he was my mommy and we were shopping
6. What would you say you would do for food?Tap Dance and eat watermelon
7. Do you give change to the homeless?Sometimes
8. Ever given anything besides change? Once I offered a sandwhich, but the guy said he had no teeth
9. Hve you ever volunteered at a soup kitchen/mission?No
10. Where?
11. True or false: homeless people could be terrorists?
12. Would you use a porta potty used by hundreds of other homeless (think the loo in Trainspotting) or just cop a squat in public?Cop A squat ( hello Rob)
13. How would you protect yourself on the street? Be very Gassy all the time
14. What's your street name?Vanessa Williams
15. How are you going to help end homelessness? Overthrow the current Government
16. Who wrote the song that's the title of today's 50 (A House is not a Home)?But Bacharach
17. Which country has the most homeless?I think we do
18. What onetime Brat Pack era star was homeless? I dunno? Angie Dickinson?
19. What video has vagrants fighting each other for a $5 prize?Isn't a Michael Jackson Video?
20. What movie starred Nick Nolte as a homeless guy?Down and Out in Beverly Hills
21. Eddie Murphy came driving by in his Escalade looking for a little action. Would you get in his car?I'm not one for chocolate
22. Would you ever date someone who is homeless? Brian Farley did..why not?
23. What if they were really hot?Absolutely
24. True or false: Homeless people are mostly men? True
25. What's the homeless section of Los Angeles called? Compton?
26. What's the homeless section of New York called?The South Bronx?
27. True or False: Homeless people are dangerous and break the law.
28. Hobo, bum or tramp?
29. What city is credited with having the original Skid Row?Detroit?
30. Name the movie about homelessness starring Jeff Bridges and Robin Williams.The Fisher King
31. Pretend you are the Julia Child of Skid Row. Please describe the meal you would prepare solely from the contents of a dumpster.I'd make a nice stew, using Chicken and steak bones for flavoring..There's also always greens in the dumpster..and I'm sure I could find a potato somewhere
32. What movie stars Samuel L. Jackson as a schizo homeless man?not a fan I don't know..he looked homeless in Star wars though
33. True or False: The homeless are usually homeless for long periods of time. True
34. What's a Dharma Bum?one who looks like Jenna Elfman
35. What about a Brooklyn Bum?I think that's like a brooklyn Dodgers fan
36. You are at a pitch meeting with Mark Burnett and you are trying to sell him on a reality game show starring homeless people. The title, and a brief synopsis...and go.American Idiot- tkae a really wealthy well known person..strip them of everything, and put them in the Homeless world, think Dan Ackroyd in trading Places
37. Whre do you think you would shower, or would you?I'm a gay man..I'd find a shower preferably with Strangers
38. Chuck, Fuck or Marry: Robin Williams in 'The Fisher King', Nick Nolte in 'DNOut in BH', or Joe Pesci in 'With Honors'?
C:Joe Pesci
F:Nick Nolte
M:Robin Williams
39. Box or Tent? Tent
40. True or False: There is a country song about the homeless called "The Voices in My Head Tell Me You Been Cheatin".True
41. Under the stars or under a bridge?A bridge, at least you won't get wet wjhen it rains
42. In hobo slang, a "bale of straw" is a place to get a good night's rest, or a blond woman?good nights rest
43. What celebrity most deserves to be homeless? Star Jones
44. Where is the National Hobo Convention held every year? (I'm not shitting you-there is such a thing).Somehwere in the south
45. True or False: The homeless like living on the street.Hell no
46. You are driving down the street and see a homeless grab their heart and then tumble to the ground. Would you give him mouth to mouth?NO, I'm to germaphobic
47. Even if you knew the paramedic would never reach him in time to save him?Whoi knows these things?
48. Who is your fave tramp? Define tramp
49. What is the classic accessory for a hobo? A cardboard sign
50. Why did God make the homeless?God doesn't make people homeless..we do
you were homeless,
1. In what city would you choose to live? San Diego, Best weather
2. Where in the city would you beg?Near the beach
3. Crack or smack?Ok I'm sorry I don't know the diff
4. Would you choose to stay in a Mission, or live on the street? It depends where the cutest other bums were
5. Would you push a cart? If not a cart, then what?I'd get Robnbie to push me in the cart, Like he was my mommy and we were shopping
6. What would you say you would do for food?Tap Dance and eat watermelon
7. Do you give change to the homeless?Sometimes
8. Ever given anything besides change? Once I offered a sandwhich, but the guy said he had no teeth
9. Hve you ever volunteered at a soup kitchen/mission?No
10. Where?
11. True or false: homeless people could be terrorists?
12. Would you use a porta potty used by hundreds of other homeless (think the loo in Trainspotting) or just cop a squat in public?Cop A squat ( hello Rob)
13. How would you protect yourself on the street? Be very Gassy all the time
14. What's your street name?Vanessa Williams
15. How are you going to help end homelessness? Overthrow the current Government
16. Who wrote the song that's the title of today's 50 (A House is not a Home)?But Bacharach
17. Which country has the most homeless?I think we do
18. What onetime Brat Pack era star was homeless? I dunno? Angie Dickinson?
19. What video has vagrants fighting each other for a $5 prize?Isn't a Michael Jackson Video?
20. What movie starred Nick Nolte as a homeless guy?Down and Out in Beverly Hills
21. Eddie Murphy came driving by in his Escalade looking for a little action. Would you get in his car?I'm not one for chocolate
22. Would you ever date someone who is homeless? Brian Farley did..why not?
23. What if they were really hot?Absolutely
24. True or false: Homeless people are mostly men? True
25. What's the homeless section of Los Angeles called? Compton?
26. What's the homeless section of New York called?The South Bronx?
27. True or False: Homeless people are dangerous and break the law.
28. Hobo, bum or tramp?
29. What city is credited with having the original Skid Row?Detroit?
30. Name the movie about homelessness starring Jeff Bridges and Robin Williams.The Fisher King
31. Pretend you are the Julia Child of Skid Row. Please describe the meal you would prepare solely from the contents of a dumpster.I'd make a nice stew, using Chicken and steak bones for flavoring..There's also always greens in the dumpster..and I'm sure I could find a potato somewhere
32. What movie stars Samuel L. Jackson as a schizo homeless man?not a fan I don't know..he looked homeless in Star wars though
33. True or False: The homeless are usually homeless for long periods of time. True
34. What's a Dharma Bum?one who looks like Jenna Elfman
35. What about a Brooklyn Bum?I think that's like a brooklyn Dodgers fan
36. You are at a pitch meeting with Mark Burnett and you are trying to sell him on a reality game show starring homeless people. The title, and a brief synopsis...and go.American Idiot- tkae a really wealthy well known person..strip them of everything, and put them in the Homeless world, think Dan Ackroyd in trading Places
37. Whre do you think you would shower, or would you?I'm a gay man..I'd find a shower preferably with Strangers
38. Chuck, Fuck or Marry: Robin Williams in 'The Fisher King', Nick Nolte in 'DNOut in BH', or Joe Pesci in 'With Honors'?
C:Joe Pesci
F:Nick Nolte
M:Robin Williams
39. Box or Tent? Tent
40. True or False: There is a country song about the homeless called "The Voices in My Head Tell Me You Been Cheatin".True
41. Under the stars or under a bridge?A bridge, at least you won't get wet wjhen it rains
42. In hobo slang, a "bale of straw" is a place to get a good night's rest, or a blond woman?good nights rest
43. What celebrity most deserves to be homeless? Star Jones
44. Where is the National Hobo Convention held every year? (I'm not shitting you-there is such a thing).Somehwere in the south
45. True or False: The homeless like living on the street.Hell no
46. You are driving down the street and see a homeless grab their heart and then tumble to the ground. Would you give him mouth to mouth?NO, I'm to germaphobic
47. Even if you knew the paramedic would never reach him in time to save him?Whoi knows these things?
48. Who is your fave tramp? Define tramp
49. What is the classic accessory for a hobo? A cardboard sign
50. Why did God make the homeless?God doesn't make people homeless..we do
If you were homeless,
1. In what city would you choose to live? I'd go with San Diego...lovely little town!
2. Where in the city would you beg? I'd sing songs on a street corner near the financial district.
3. Crack or smack? Crack...just like Whitney.
4. Would you choose to stay in a Mission, or live on the street? Aw Jesus...if it's raining, a mission...if it's nice, the street!
5. Would you push a cart? If not a cart, then what? I'd push drugs.
6. What would you say you would do for food? Juggle.
7. Do you give change to the homeless? Sometimes.
8. Ever given anything besides change? I once bought a homeless person a Big Mac.
9. Hve you ever volunteered at a soup kitchen/mission? No...that's just too depressing. This from someone who has volunteered for AIDS organizations.
10. Where? NOWHERE.
11. True or false: homeless people could be terrorists? They ARE terrorists. This one guy tried to take me out one day and we got into a screaming match. I'm glad he has no home.
12. Would you use a porta potty used by hundreds of other homeless (think the loo in Trainspotting) or just cop a squat in public? I'd try to use the loo...but might not be able to handle it...then I'd go to a quiet section of a park and do my business.
13. How would you protect yourself on the street? A boxcutter and some kung fu.
14. What's your street name? SkidMark
15. How are you going to help end homelessness? By clicking my heels three times and saying 'There's no place like home...'
16. Who wrote the song that's the title of today's 50 (A House is not a Home)? Mr. Bacharach
17. Which country has the most homeless? USA?
18. What onetime Brat Pack era star was homeless? The black one, right? Sammy something?
19. What video has vagrants fighting each other for a $5 prize? Bum Fight?
20. What movie starred Nick Nolte as a homeless guy? That was a movie? I thought that was hi life.
21. Eddie Murphy came driving by in his Escalade looking for a little action. Would you get in his car? Absolutely!
22. Would you ever date someone who is homeless? No...but I know someone who did...right, Farley?
23. What if they were really hot? Sex, maybe...dating...never.
24. True or false: Homeless people are mostly men? False.
25. What's the homeless section of Los Angeles called? WeHo?
26. What's the homeless section of New York called? Hobocamp?
27. True or False: Homeless people are dangerous and break the law. True.
28. Hobo, bum or tramp? All of the above!
29. What city is credited with having the original Skid Row? Chicago?
30. Name the movie about homelessness starring Jeff Bridges and Robin Williams. The Fisher King.
31. Pretend you are the Julia Child of Skid Row. Please describe the meal you would prepare solely from the contents of a dumpster. It would be a feast of the new BK chicken fries...cause I can't imagine anyone not throwing them away once tried.
32. What movie stars Samuel L. Jackson as a schizo homeless man? Pulp Fiction?
33. True or False: The homeless are usually homeless for long periods of time. False.
34. What's a Dharma Bum? Something obnoxious, socially conscious college kids talk about?
35. What about a Brooklyn Bum? Something obnoxious, fashionally conscious BillyBurg fags talk about?
36. You are at a pitch meeting with Mark Burnett and you are trying to sell him on a reality game show starring homeless people. The title, and a brief synopsis...and go. Hobo Idol...a singing contest that ends with the winner being given a one year lease in a studio apartment...hosted by former homeless singing star Jewell.
37. Whre do you think you would shower, or would you? Whore's Baths in public restrooms for me!
38. Chuck, Fuck or Marry: Robin Williams in 'The Fisher King', Nick Nolte in 'DNOut in BH', or Joe Pesci in 'With Honors'?
C: Pesci...horrible man.
F: Nolte...he once had a sexy thing about him.
M: Williams...at least I'd laugh.
39. Box or Tent? Though I'd like to pretend I'd keep it real with a box...I'd totally go in for a tent.
40. True or False: There is a country song about the homeless called "The Voices in My Head Tell Me You Been Cheatin". I believe it.
41. Under the stars or under a bridge? The stars.
42. In hobo slang, a "bale of straw" is a place to get a good night's rest, or a blond woman? Rest...I hope.
43. What celebrity most deserves to be homeless? Star Jones
44. Where is the National Hobo Convention held every year? (I'm not shitting you-there is such a thing). One would imagine somewhere in the midwest.
45. True or False: The homeless like living on the street. Who wouldn't?
46. You are driving down the street and see a homeless grab their heart and then tumble to the ground. Would you give him mouth to mouth? I'd call 911.
47. Even if you knew the paramedic would never reach him in time to save him? I hate you, Liz.
48. Who is your fave tramp? The Disney one! He likes pasta too!
49. What is the classic accessory for a hobo? Sack on a stick!
50. Why did God make the homeless? To make me feel better about myself.
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