A House is not a Home

On any given night in America, anywhere from 700,000 to 2 million people are homeless., according to the National Law Center on Homelessness and Poverty. Living on Skid Row has opened my eyes to this unfortunate blight. Given this is technically my last night in Bum Village, I thought it only apropos the 50 be about my neighbors.
PS-the UN has now decided they don't recognize the term "homelessness", and is urging all countries to adopt "houselessness" instead....hmmm.

If you were homeless,
1. In what city would you choose to live?
2. Where in the city would you beg?
3. Crack or smack?
4. Would you choose to stay in a Mission, or live on the street?
5. Would you push a cart? If not a cart, then what?
6. What would you say you would do for food?
7. Do you give change to the homeless?
8. Ever given anything besides change?
9. Hve you ever volunteered at a soup kitchen/mission?
10. Where?
11. True or false: homeless people could be terrorists?
12. Would you use a porta potty used by hundreds of other homeless (think the loo in Trainspotting) or just cop a squat in public?
13. How would you protect yourself on the street?
14. What's your street name?
15. How are you going to help end homelessness?
16. Who wrote the song that's the title of today's 50 (A House is not a Home)?
17. Which country has the most homeless?
18. What onetime Brat Pack era star was homeless?
19. What video has vagrants fighting each other for a $5 prize?
20. What movie starred Nick Nolte as a homeless guy?
21. Eddie Murphy came driving by in his Escalade looking for a little action. Would you get in his car?
22. Would you ever date someone who is homeless?
23. What if they were really hot?
24. True or false: Homeless people are mostly men?
25. What's the homeless section of Los Angeles called?
26. What's the homeless section of New York called?
27. True or False: Homeless people are dangerous and break the law.
28. Hobo, bum or tramp?
29. What city is credited with having the original Skid Row?
30. Name the movie about homelessness starring Jeff Bridges and Robin Williams.
31. Pretend you are the Julia Child of Skid Row. Please describe the meal you would prepare solely from the contents of a dumpster.
32. What movie stars Samuel L. Jackson as a schizo homeless man?
33. True or False: The homeless are usually homeless for long periods of time.
34. What's a Dharma Bum?
35. What about a Brooklyn Bum?
36. You are at a pitch meeting with Mark Burnett and you are trying to sell him on a reality game show starring homeless people. The title, and a brief synopsis...and go.
37. Whre do you think you would shower, or would you?
38. Chuck, Fuck or Marry: Robin Williams in 'The Fisher King', Nick Nolte in 'DNOut in BH', or Joe Pesci in 'With Honors'?
C:
F:
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39. Box or Tent?
40. True or False: There is a country song about the homeless called "The Voices in My Head Tell Me You Been Cheatin".
41. Under the stars or under a bridge?
42. In hobo slang, a "bale of straw" is a place to get a good night's rest, or a blond woman?
43. What celebrity most deserves to be homeless?
44. Where is the National Hobo Convention held every year? (I'm not shitting you-there is such a thing).
45. True or False: The homeless like living on the street.
46. You are driving down the street and see a homeless grab their heart and then tumble to the ground. Would you give him mouth to mouth?
47. Even if you knew the paramedic would never reach him in time to save him?
48. Who is your fave tramp?
49. What is the classic accessory for a hobo?
50. Why did God make the homeless?

BONUS: Play Homeless Or Jesus?

OOPS! Number 2 should read CONDEMNS, not CONDONE...

CreepyScary50

1. What was your fave Halloween costume?
2. What religion condones Halloween?
3. Candy Corn: Yum or nasty fake crap?
4. Who starred as the original WORST WITCH?
5. Who played a pair of twins in the same movie?
6. How would you be killed by Mike Myers?
7. Who starred in WATCHER IN THE WOODS?
8. Who waited all night for the Great Pumpkin?
9. Fave Halloween Treat?
10. Chuck, fuck or Marry: Jason, Mike Myers, Freddy Kruger
C:
F:
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11. Ever been to a haunted house? Where and were you a scared little pussy?
12. Goody Proctor was accused of being a witch. What the hell does 'Goody' mean?
13. What was the actual name of Frankenstein's Monster?
14. What country did he live in?
15. True or False: The Thriller video totally freaked my shit out.
16. Did you ever partake in Mischief Night?
17. If so, what did you do?
18. Did you ever win a prize for best costume?
19. What was the costume?
20. What is your costume going to be this year?
21. Did you ever find razor blades in a piece of candy?
22. Stupidest Halloween costume you ever had...
23. Fave scary movie franchise/series?
24. In what town did they burn all the witches?
25. Would you rather be buried alive in a coffin, or slowly eaten alive by a werewolf?
26. What will you be doing this Halloween?
27. At what age did you stop trick or treating?
28. Name the actor that played Frankenstein in "Young Frankenstein".
29. Do you believe in ghosts?
30. How much will you spend on your costume this year?
31. Will you go to a Halloween parade? Where?
32. Least liked Halloween candy?
33. Do you know anyone claiming to be a witch?
34. Would you rather burn at the stake or die by drowning?
35. Will you be cremated or buried?
36. What has been the worst prank someone has done to you?
37. Have you ever felt sad 'cause you didn't get enough candy?
38. Did someone ever not open the door to you cause you were to old?
39. Are you one of those lame, boring people that doesn't had out candy?
40. You've been given an apple by the old woman down the block: do you chuck it at her window or eat it 'cause you need your ruffage?
41. Silver bullet or stak through the heart?
42. Name the first big-time vampire flick (hint...it was silent)
43. What accoutrement would come off the Looney Tunes witch wherever she ran?
44. What's the full name of Halloween?
45. What Catholic holiday takes place the day AFTER Halloween?
46. Did you ever do the Mash?
47. Micheal Myer's mask is actually whose face?
48. Name one other movie starring Robert "Freddy Kruger" Englund.
49. WICKED: Fabu B'way musical or hack piece of shit?
50. Who haunts your dreams at night?

Earth, Wind and Firewater

1. Do you hike?
2. Have you ever gone surfing? Where?
3. Fave National Park?
4. Your designing the Forest Ranger uniforms...what do they look like?
5. Fave beach?
6. How do you scare off a grizzly bear?
7. Most beautiful spot in the world?
8. Name the drill you're supposed to do when you're on fire.
9. Where is Yellowstone?
10. Where are the White Mountains?
11. What tree has white bark?
12. Have you ever had sex in the woods?
13. Ever been mountain climbing?
14. If so, where?
15. Name the highest point you've been.
16. What's the big national park in Maine?
17. What would you cook on a campfire for dinner?
18. Ever get stung by a jellyfish?
19. Have you ever had a near death experience while in nature?
20. Do you fly fish?
21. Do you recycle?
22. Do you mountain bike?
23. How much money would it take for you to eat wild mushrooms that grow on cow shit?
24. You've been lost in the forest for 5 days...what are you eating?
25. Ever been to the rainforest?
26. Have you ever been snorkling?
27. Do you scuba?
28. What is coasteering?
29. What's your fave bathing suit look like?
30. What's the remedy for a jelly fish sting?
31. What is kudzu?
32. Ever gone horse back riding?
33. What beach(es) did you go to on family vacations?
34. Chuck, Fuck or Marry: Jaques Cousteau, Steve Irwin, Jane Goodall
C:
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35. Do you have a compost pile?
36. What kind of plant has 5 pointy leaves?
37. Ever been in a hurricane?
38. Fave forest animal?
39. Do you reuse plastic bags, or toss them?
40. Do you eat organic?
41. Are you a vegetarian?
42. Name your state's official tree.
43. Freshwater or saltwater?
44. If you had to pick lifeguard, ranger, or logger as a profession, which would you pick and why?
45. Do you think you could be a contestant on Survivor?
46. What about The Eco Challenge?
47. What are MRE's?
48. Did you ever go on a trip in a motorhome? where?
49. If a tree falls in the woods, is there a sound?
50. Does a bear shit in the woods?

Random50 Redux

1. Have you ever paid for sex?
2. Are there really 2,000 body parts as Lever 2000 claims?
3. Favorite song from this summer?
4. Last concert you saw?
5. Do you save your change?
6. Did you have a pen pal as a kid?
7. What is your lip balm brand?
8. Favorite sneaker brand?
9. Favorite bar?
10. Have you ever stolen something from a friend?
11. Do you smoke? what brand?
12. What is your Indian name? What tribe do you belong to?
13. Favorite thing to do by yourself?
14. What will you be doing 20 years from now?
15. Where are you right now?
16. Have you ever gotten in trouble at work? Why?
17. What country would you adopt a child from?
18. If you had the space would you take in a hurricane victim?
19. Do you 69?
20. What is the title of the movie of your life?
21. Do you collect anything?
22. Name of the person who took your virginity?
23. How many square feet is your apt/house?
24. Create a new first and last name with the same letters as your existing name...an anagram.
25. How would you commit suicide?
26. Have you ever had sex with someone who is a celebrity (major or otherwise)?
27. Have you ever done the internet dating thing?
28. If so, how did it work out?
29. Fave job you've had?
30. Do you see a shrink?
32. Are you on any drugs (not recreational)?
33. Chuck, Fuck or Marry: Margaret Cho, Paula Poundstone, or Kathy Griffin?
C:
F:
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34. Catherine Zeta or Kate Winslet?
35. Have you ever had lice?
36. Have you ever had an STD?
37. Do you go camping?
38. Name one thing that makes you angry.
39. Fave movie you've seen this year so far?
40. Do you have siblings? What number child are you?
41. Name one interesting thing about your job.
42. Do you like where you live?
43. What kind/type/brand of underwear do you wear?
44. Target or Walmart?
45. Ketchup or mustard?
46. Would you ever shave your head?
47. Would you ever pose for Spencer Tunick in one of his mass nude pictures?
48. How much money would it take for you to have sex, completely naked in Times Square (assuming no one stops you and you do it for at least 20 mins)?
49. Name the celebrity you would most want to work for...as their assistant.
50. What's the nicest thing you have done for someone?

random50 and then some

So we know we're slackers. Somehow the end of summer took up all of our time...Le Bean's 23rd bday, Miss Lizard getting attacked by her insane tiger, visits from family and to see friends, the Emmy's, helping Britney with Lamaze classes ...and of course volunteering for the food drive for retarded senior citizen midgets (RSCM). We never thought we had such fans, but apparently The Oyster is your Friday salavation. So shut up and answer bitches...

1. Who do you like better-Mom or Dad?
2. What would you eat if you couldn't get fat?
3. Chicken or Turkey?
4. Favorite Gatorade flavor?
5. Why is it called Gatorade?
6. Fave song from a musical?
7. What color was your childhood bedroom?
8. What color is it now?
9. What reality show would you like to be on?
10. Fave brand of bottled water?
11. Most influential person in your life?
12. Fave celebrity sighting and where?
13. Chuck, Fuck or Marry: Ryan Phillpe, Ashton Kutcher, Orlando Bloom:
C:
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14. Aniston or Jolie?
15. Malibu or Laguna Beach?
16. IHOP or Denny's?
17. Shower or Bath?
18. Would you rather have a flesh eating bacteria or have spiders lay eggs under your skin?
19. What do you hate most about America?
20. What do you like the most about America?
21. Favorite radio station?
22. Favorite talk show?
23. Cell phone provider?
24. How many minutes per month on your celly?
25. Darwin or God?
26. How did the dinosaurs really die?
27. Describe the year 2302...
28. Church or Temple?
29. Do you work out? How many times a week?
30. Mac or PC?
31. Do you have a land line or just a cell?
32. Do you carry renters insurance?
33. Did you donate to the hurricane?
34. Favorite electronic/tech device?
35. Mercedes or BMW?
36. What perfume/cologne do you wear?
37. How much money would it take to drink a pint of cum?
38. How old were you when you first got drunk?
39. Grocery store you shop in?
40. Your bank?
41. Do you make coffee in the AM or buy it?
42. What one special talent do you have?
43. Tell a secret that you've never told before...
44. Thundercats or Transformers?
45. Friend you've known the longest?
46. Do you travel for work?
47. Name one person from your past that you would re-establish a relationship with?
48. Would you ever live in a double wide?
49. When was the last time you went to the dentist?
50. Who loves you baby?

Skool Daze

1. Favorite grade?
2. Where did you go to elementary school?
3. Least favorite teacher?
4. Did you ever beat anyone up?
5. Favorite subject?
6. Were you required to shower after gym class?
7. Did you ever have to wear a uniform? When?
8. What did it look like?
9. What were your school colors?
10. Your high school mascot?
11. What extracurricular activites did you do?
12. Ever get suspended? Why?
13. Fave school lunch?
14. Play any sports? Which one(s)?
15. Were you a band geek?
16. Ever go on a class trip to some place nice , a la Natalee Holloway?
17. Who was your prom date?
18. What did you wear?
19. Did you go in a limo?
20. What group (nerds, jocks) were you in?
21. Fave teacher?
22. Have you been to any reunions?
23. Were you ever a cheerleader?
24. Who was your High School crush?
25. Ever have sex on school property?
26. Most hated fellow student?
27. What was your best subject?
28. GPA?
29. Did you do the school play? Which one(s)?

COLLEGE YEARS
30. Where did you go?
31. Major?
32. What drugs did you try for the first time?
33. Did you lose your virginity there?
34. Favorite college bar?
35. Did you gain the freshman 15?
36. Favoite class?
37. Did you fail any classes?
38. Who was your college roommate?
39. Most embarassing college moment?
40. What were your extracurricular activities?
41. Favorite campus eatery?
42. Who was your best friend in college?
43. Did you have a job while going to school?
44. Did you have a boy/girlfriend? Who?
45. How often did you get wasted?
46. Favorite college memory?
47. GPA?
48. Favorite professor?
49. As a senoir were you mean to freshmen?
50. So now that you are old...do you miss it?

What I Did For My Summer Vacation In 50 Questions Or Less

Today my sister leaves her life in New Jersey and heads off to Switzerland to be reunited with her lover. She will be there for 3 months, lucky whore! In honor of her trip, I give you 50 questions about travel. Bon Voyage, Sis! Don't forget to write...and buy me lots of cool things in Europe!!


1. How much vacation time do you get from your job?
2. How many trips have you taken so far this year?
3. What airline do you travel on the most?
4. Have you ever taken the Greyhound?
5. If so, where?
6. If money were no object, where would you vacation?
7. How many countries have you been to?
8. What was the most exotic country you have visited?
9. Ever been on a safari? where?
10. Do you prefer to go to the museums and see the sites, or lie on the beach and do nothing?
11. Fave cuisine from your travels?
12. Ever been on a cruise? where?
13. Favorite museum?
14. Would you ever go on vacation by yourself?
15. How many theme parks have you been to?
16. Which ones and where?
17. Fave theme park attraction?
18. Ever backpacked? Where?
19. Fave hotel?
20. Ever been to a spa? (the kind that doesn't serve alcohol)
21. Have you taken a vacation with friends?
22. Where to?
23. Fave souvenier from a vacation?
24. Do you send postcards to friends and family when on vacation?
25. Most random place you have been to on vacation?
26. Light packer or heavy packer?
27. Ever befriended someone on a trip that you still keep in touch with?
28. Where do you NOT want to ever go on vacation?
29. How many different nationalities have you fucked?
30. What country produces the hottest men?
31. Do you SCUBA?
32. Adventure vacations or relaxing vacations?
33. Train, plane or automobile?
34. Favorite romantic destination?
35. Would you ever go to a nudist colony for vacation?
36. Your longest flight?
37. Favorite childhood summer vacation?
38. Worst vacation and why?
39. Do you take pictures when you travel?
40. Did you go to summer camp?
41. Ever take a group tour vacation?
42. Been caught in a natural disaster while on vacation?
43. City vacation or island vacation?
44. Where will you go on your honeymoon?
45. Ever been to an all inclusive resort? Where?
46. Have you ever had to cancel a vacation cuz you broke up with the person you were going with?
47. How many bathing suits do you own?
48. Would you go on a 5-star paid vacation as an escort to a 75 year old billionaire even if you had to put out daily?
49. Ever take a ski holiday?
50. Would you rather a 23 hour flight, or a 23 hour road trip?